Everything you need to know about this release:
WE HAVE A NEW NAME… Introducing “Poolsuite”
Dear Beloved Patrons of the Pool,
You have been with us through doubt and through certitude. Through thick and thin. And once again, we ask for your unwavering support.
Unbeknownst to many, Poolside FM has undergone an ocean liner sized challenge with the law regarding intellectual property rights surrounding “Poolside FM” as our associated brand name. What would begin as a trademark infringement lawsuit would soon develop into a saga of contention, malfeasance, and deceit.
For almost 4 years we have evaded the hard hand of the law through a multitude of high-stakes relocations throughout the Caribbean basin. Grasping dearly to the household name you all know and love. Out of desperation we made a questionable arrangement with the St Lucian Mafioso to protect us from the USPTO and various international rights holders. Inevitably, this only deepened our Mariana Trench of problems. Spending days in reckless speedboat chases and sleepless nights on uncharted islands, with nothing but cocktail napkins for blankets. It was only a few years ago that mounting a D-30 turbofan jet engine to a 1986 Wellcraft 38 Scarab KV would be a misuse of the company budget. But a few wrong moves with the Caribbean Cartel would prove this procedure to be an extortionate yet core component to our survival.
We have gone to the ends of the earth – literally – to avoid drastic measures, with generous plea bargains put forth by our team of nautical attorneys. But ultimately not even collections of valuable tropical fish, light aircrafts filled with Lambrusco wine and fine Italian meats, or a specially built sea-faring Ferrari 308 GTS would be enough to feed the USPTO’s insatiable hunger for injustice. The only way out was to wave a white sail. Not as a surrender to the law. But as a token to mark the monumental restructuring of our corporate identity.
Today we resign our troubled past overseas. Today we make a new name for ourselves. Today we return home as…
Luxurious yet leisurely. Frivolous yet sophisticated. The same sweet sound of summer— turned up to 11. Pack your virtual bags as you’ve been upgraded from sitting poolside to a private cabana at The Poolsuite. Lie back as we embark on an ambitious worldwide expansion, bringing you a rich suite of virtual tools & leisure products to give you delicately towards “The Good Life” from the comfort of your daybed.
Thank you for your unshakeable commitment to our cherished enterprise.
And as always, we’ll see you by the pool.
– Chris Messina